SixLover Sakuragi
by Black Gargie
Summary: After reading a pretty darn good children's book entitled 'SixDinner Sid' by Inga Moore, I couldn't help but simply MUST write a parody version of it. So here goes!


A/N: I was reading a children's book entitled 'Six-Dinner Sid' by Inga Moore which belonged to my little cousin and I was hooked immediately. Despite being a children's book, it has a very funny and good storyline, and I thought, "What the heck, I simply MUST do a parody version of this book. So here's to you, in Slam Dunk style!

Disclaimer: I do not own Slam Dunk, but I wanna own Sakuragi!

SIX-LOVER SAKURAGI

Sakuragi Hanamichi is a strapping man in his teens who had no parents and spends most of his time hanging around in the streets with his crazy band of misfits Mido, Noma, Ookutsu and Takamiya bashing up competing rivals and collecting protection money from food stores (earning a free meal or two in the process) and poor little kids who wasn't any wiser in trying to deal with street-wise thugs. He could bring down an entire army of burly men with just a bang of his age-old famous metal forehead, and could take on more than a dozen people incoming with his tough exterior and dexterous physique and lightning-flash speed. Many girls and gay men who have a taste for bad boys looked up to him as the perfect man, and he would have his shares of secret admirers and girls and boys with the guts enough to go up to him and confess their love for him, which he rejected in his own bad-ass way. He was the tallest among his friends and had flaming red hair the colour of fire itself. Sun-kissed skin and eyes the colour of copper, he was feared among the people in his territory and respected by even the scariest hooligans ever lived.

But even a mean thug has secrets. Secrets that even his band of misfits doesn't know.

Sakuragi Hanamichi: ladies' man, man's man, man about town, has six lovers.

Whenever Sakuragi is not with his band of misfits creating trouble and havoc, he would gussy-up and make his way to Shirogane Street, where the elites lived and make his way to one of the six houses his lovers lived. For him, having six lovers was a pretty good way to go. He gets to enjoy six different kinds of sexual pleasure and never have to have the burden of settling down because elites in this street usually want to look for flings and not exactly a steady relationship. They were a far cry from wanting to have a street-wise hooligan for a soul mate anyway; pure-bloods are their kind. It's just the thrill of flirting with danger that turned them on. Every night, after a little role-playing sex with Koshino the lawyer at No. 1, he would go to No. 2 to have bit of a seme-bashing (Sakuragi as the uke, of course) with Uozumi the wrestler, S&M with Hikoichi the head of TV news channel at No. 3, roughin' and toughin' with Kyota the kendo master at No. 4, a 'three-pointer' (which means doing it three times or more in a row) with Sawakita the basketball pro at No. 5 and finally taking it slow and tender (bed and breakfast included) with Sendoh the psychiatrist at No. 6.

Furthermore, to his advantage, the people in Aristotle Street did not get along really well, and he only comes down to Shirogane Street at alternate times, so no one knew what Sakuragi's little secret was. They all assumed that they were the redhead's lover and was only having friendly conversations with the other. But elites have a reputation of being a little possessive and didn't believe in 'sharing is caring', so letting them know that he was not exactly riding them only was not a wise option to choose.

Of course, Sakuragi had to pay a high price for six lovers. Being six lovers' sex toy was not easy. He had to remember six different sexy nicknames, and show six different personalities. When he was called 'Heikka', he had to act proud and princely, and be the dominant of the role-player. When he was called 'Chibi', he had to start being submissive and endure the crazy rough bashing, which sometimes was a pain in the ass, literally. When he was called 'Sakuragi-sama', he had to be devilishly naughty and whip and drip candle wax like crazy, withholding his hard-on till the last minute when the 'slave' screamed for more. When he was called 'Bakasaru', he had to be like a monkey and be agile enough to escape incoming kendo thrust until he was pinned down to ground into submission. When he was called 'San-chan', he had to start downing chicken essence to prepare himself for another session of 'three-pointers'. But when he was called 'Saku-chan', he had to be very cute and sweet, like someone who would swoon over the littlest romantic, cheesy lines ever said to mankind.

Having to act so many roles in a day was very tiring for Sakuragi. Sometimes his lovers were so demanding he could go for days without coming out of bed and joining his havoc-wrecking frenzy, except if he had to go to the bathroom or if he was a tad hungry. Sometimes he would get black rings under his eyes whenever he had to spend more than one night with his lovers. His band of misfits would ask why the terrible condition but he kept his mouth sealed. At times, it got to point where he might actually fall asleep in the job and playing thug becomes a drag. But he didn't mind. As long as he had six forms of outrageous mind-blowing sex, his effort was all worth it, especially when he got to have six different parts of his body being stroked: his nape by Koshino, his butt by Uozumi, his manhood by Hikoichi, his throat by Kyota, his back by Sawakita and his red head by Sendoh; and got to sleep in six different kinds of beds: Koshino's Elizabethan canopy bed, Uozumi's springy cotton bed, Hikoichi's satin sheet bed, Kyota's fluffy futon, Sawakita's velvet King-sized bed and Sendoh's Victorian classy Queen-sized bed. In fact, to Sakuragi, life in Shirogane Street is perfect.

That is until the day he got that nasty cold.

Winter was in season, and the constant 'bed-warming' from one lover to another gave Sakuragi a heavy cough. It was taking a toll on his performance both in havoc-wrecking and in bed. He had no choice but to see the doctor, since his lovers insisted on getting him the best despite his protests. Even his band of misfits urged him to go to the doctor before he starts spreading his virus everywhere within their proximity. Poor Sakuragi! He had to go to the doctor not only once, not only twice, but six times! Six different people, using six different methods of transportation (Koshino's Mercedes, Uozumi's Land Rover, Hikoichi's Volkswagen, Kyota's Ferrari, Sawakita's BMW and Sendoh's Lamborghini), took him to their family doctors. The doctors said his cough did not sound as bad as it should, but just for precautions, he had to have a spoonful of cough medicine. Of course, Sakuragi not only had one spoonful, but six spoonfuls!

Talk about overdose!

Finally, on one fateful winter afternoon, all of Sakuragi's lovers' family doctors had a get-together to have tea in a French café. They all talked about their most favourite (and rich) patients who brought in their redhead lover to treat him of his cough. It was then they realized they were all talking about the same redhead named Sakuragi Hanamichi and his lovers all lived in Aristotle Street! They suspected foul play and immediately called every lover to make some verification.

Uh oh! The cat's out of the bag! Even his band of misfits discovered his little secret since word spread rather fast once it leaked out of the elite community. When they found out what Sakuragi did, they were angry, and said that he should not have so many lovers and that they did not like sharing. They gathered at Kyota's kendo training room to discuss matters and finally came to an agreement that he will only have one lover. He had to choose between them, or else he will never ever set foot into Shirogane Street again.

But Sakuragi was a six-lover Sakuragi, and seeing only one lover was not his idea of fun, so you can guess which choice he made. He gathered all his possession left behind in his lovers' home, bid farewell in his bad-ass way and never looked back. Not having six wonderful sex was cramping his style, and he became even meaner than he usually should. No matter how much his band of misfits tried to cheer him up, his mood didn't improve. It got to the point where sometimes he went overboard with his protection money-collecting and beating up rival gangs that his band of misfits had to hold him back. They had no problem with their redhead leader leading a 'colourful' life, but if they didn't do something fast to indulge it, they know he would go crazy and do something worse than criminals.

Finally, when Mido introduced him to a new street with the pretense that they could get more protection money, Sakuragi came alive again. Shohoku Street was a middle-class community—not as high-classed as elites—and had men much more good-looking than those in Shirogane Street. They also liked to go for flings and not rooting for steady relationships and love flirting with danger, especially with a crazy, zany sex-crazed man like Sakuragi Hanamichi: ladies' man, man's man, man about town. But unlike Shirogane Street, the people in Shohoku Street get along well and didn't mind sharing. In fact, they sometimes like to have a little bit of group sex or two once in a while. Sakuragi boldly pursued his normal intake of six lovers, namely Rukawa the basketball pro (who is one of Sawakita's tough rivals) in No. 1, Mitsui the professional kick-boxer in No. 2, Miyagi the artist in No. 3, Kokure the university professor in No. 4, Tatsu the judo master in No. 5 and Akagi the wrestler (Uozumi's rival) in No. 6. Since people got along in Shohoku Street, everyone knows Sakuragi enjoyed six mind-blowing sex with six lovers from the very start.

And since everyone knows about it, nobody minds.

A/N: Well, whaddaya think? I stole that 'ladies' man, man's man, man about town' from the movie 'Down with Love', so a disclaimer is needed here. Just a one-shot. I was lazy to write in the dialogues or anything, since it was based on a children's book that had no dialogues either. Crazy and erotic, I know, but what can I do with a weird brain like this? Reviews plz!


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